For a while this blog focused heavily on the environment and Riot for Austerity (R4A). This past month I seemed to have a bad month as far as my carbon footprint – that, coupled with just an overall stressful month in my life, has made me a little depressed, and who wants to listen to a lot of that!
So, when my carbon footprint went up… instead of “getting back on the horse” and trying to do better, I (gasp) actually went to McDonalds and KFC and bought food in one-use packaging. I have only done this once or twice in the last three months – now it was three times in the last week. I did laundry late one day and decided to just go ahead and put it in the dryer so it would be ready to wear the next day. I bought coffee at a fast food place. Basically, I went further back than when I started all of this (I’ve always been more careful than most, and have never really been a lover of fast food). Of course I felt incredibly guilty each and every time I did this (guilt, the gift that keeps on giving…), but it didn’t seem to stop the behavior.
So, have I gone so far to the extreme that I am feeling deprived? I didn’t think so… I thought I was feeling pretty psyched about what I was doing and how I was doing better every month with my minimal energy usage. I wonder why I seem to be feeling this sense of deprivation recently. I have never really considered fast food a treat, but now I somehow feel as though I am rewarding myself by buying this stuff.
I’m sure I will eventually go back to where I was – I still care about the environment and try and watch my footprint – but for now maybe I need to be a little gentler with myself and allow myself to have bad days (or months), and feel good about what I have managed to do, not feel bad about what I haven’t.