On Sunday I fulfilled my second term as a warden of my church – first junior warden then senior warden. I am happy to be done with that, and was really looking forward to being able to fill my now freed-up time doing more fun things. Instead, I am thinking a lot about death.
Yesterday and today I spent time researching medical supplies to keep an elderly (almost 101 years old) friend in her home as long as possible. More and more often I have been getting calls from life-line (the “help I’ve fallen and can’t get up” folks) after I am asleep to go pick up this friend off the floor because she has fallen. The doctor seems to think her body is breaking down and it will just be a matter of months, but it is heart-wrenching to hear her cry in agony as I tend to the scrapes on her paper-thin skin that have bloodied both arms – “Why don’t I just DIE!”
On Sunday I attended a memorial service for a person I knew fairly well a decade or two ago when I was very involved in the lgbt community. I realized that his memorial and that of a good friend who died just five years ago were probably on the same date (or off by just a day) – just five years apart. So I have been thinking about both of these two individuals, as well as my chosen dad who died just three weeks before my friend five years ago.
Yesterday I received a notice from my church that the wife of one of our members had just died. It seems like it was just two or three weeks ago they learned that the cancer had spread throughout her body. I didn’t know her well, but she was very helpful in creating a pattern and templates when we made the pads for the “Goods for Girls” a year or so ago, and as an employee of a fabric store, she got us a discount from the store manager so we could create the 73 cloth sanitary pads to be sent to Africa. I remember her as being a wonderfully energetic, happy and caring person. My thoughts are with her husband today.
I am also thinking a bit about next week, which will be a full ten years since my marriage ended – which in a way is a kind of death… I’ve had a new life since then, but thinking about the good, the bad and the ugly of an eleven-year relationship does stir up quite a few emotions.
Today I think I would like to climb back into bed. Perhaps what I really need to do is plant something soon so I can be reminded of life. We’ll see what actually happens.